MsVindicta

i started out this entry wanting to talk about some of the problems my family and i are going through, but once i finished it, i read through it and just hit the backspace button continuously.

i don’t think anyone can ever understand the problems a family faces.

no amount of explaining, of detailing can do it.

i’m often left speechless when i’m asked, and even this entry, this supposed-to-be-an-entry … i’m having such a hard time writing it.

i feel so burdened by everyone’s problems, by people who ask me to talk to xx more, to care for xx more etc.

what if talking to and caring for someone who’s depressed is making you depressed?

do you stop?

is it selfish to want to dump everything behind and just move out?

i really don’t know.

26 years of child-raising my mother did, and till today she doesn’t understand her children.

more than two decades of interacting with my mother, and us children still don’t understand her.

i really don’t think i want to have kids in future.

i just want to be alone, me and my pet, and if life is kind, a partner.

that’s all i ask for.

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/edit

30 minutes after publishing this post, i feel much better.

i need to learn how to relax, to breathe.

maybe it’s been this past week without the manslave, being stuck at home and subjected to every single emotion every family member goes through, which i normally don’t see.

i should never forsake, should never give up on my family.

i need to keep trying.